Great expectations

Magnet #1269 - Treasure Island Bintan

In junior high, one of my best friends told me that my expectations were too high, and that inevitably, people would disappoint me, because it's impossible for them to live up to my standards.

This belief is likely a metastatement for every area in my life.

My sisters always mock me for always reporting back that one thing or another was just, "ok." Movies, parties, events, books, people, you name it.

Creative directors sometimes leave meetings with me feeling a little sad when I don't immediately cotton to one of their ideas, proclaiming it the best idea I'd ever seen from them.

And when friends say or do something that's incredibly disappointing to me, I take it personally. Admittedly, perhaps too personally.

In the end, my friend was right. I am inevitably disappointed by one thing or other, and have no one to blame but my great expectations.

On the other hand, it does make it all the more sweet when someone does do or create something that knocks my socks off, or impresses me to no end. You can tell when that happens - I'm usually dancing for, well, me, and generally grinning from ear to ear.

So yeah. Ya'll aim to skew that way. Please and thank you.

Oh! I picked this Treasure Island Bintan magnet today because we managed to make it through only two movies yesterday for 80s movie education day - Breakfast Club and surfer boy Spicoli's Fast Times. Did they hold up? Fairly well, actually - they're definitely a snapshot of America in a different time...but not so different that the stories, the characters and even wardrobe couldn't be found today.

And I know. Only two movies.

If ya'll know me at all, you know that as far as marathons go, even though we had a lot of fun and ate great food and hung out with fun people, I'm a little disappointed that we couldn't power through all eight movies - clearly, these friends haven't hung out with me enough to know it was totally possible.

What? It totally is!

Like riding a bike

Magnet #1261 - To Do, To Be, Do be

So yeah. I haven't ridden a bike in literally decades. Like, so long, that I can't even really remember the last time I rode one.

But when two 12-year-old girlfriends said, "Let's go ride bikes around the neighborhood, Joy!", what's a girl to do? So we rode bikes into town...where we promptly got chastised for lack of helmets. Oops. (No worries, we got helmets for the kids.)

And when the one 12-year-old said, "Joy! Jump off the diving board with me!"

Of course, I couldn't say no. I mean, it was a herculean feat to actually get me to a pool...much less a town one, at that. So, there I went, diving off the boards, without regard to actual diving form - which, believe it or not, I used to have. (Didn't say it was good.)

Now anyone who knows me, even just a little bit, knows I'd rather be sitting in front of the tv or computer, rather bike-riding or swimming. Still, it was a superterrifically fun day, pretending I was 12 again, with both the 12-year-old and her mom, gossiping about boys and secret obsessions.

And, since it was a day spent in Jersey, I figured this magnet ending with Ol' Blue Eyes was perfect for the odd duck occasion.

Shout-out to the 80s

Magnet #1248 - Duran Duran, circa mid-80s

Think this magnet is the last of my Duran Duran buttons from the 80s. Using it for today because they totally got a huge shout-out on Wizards of Waverly Place.

Alex, played by the always adorable Selena Gomez, did one of her spells to be able to remotely watch what was happening elsewhere,

"Please, please tell me now.
Is there something I should know.
Duranium Duranius!"

C'mon, that's an awesome, awesome spell!

And timely, too, since last night, some friends and I went downtown (yes, I know, below 14th street, I was!) to go see an 80s cover band, and (some of us) reliving about a million memories from the coolest decade ever.

What? The 80s definitely had more personality than the 90s or the 00s. Dress-up outfit selections alone prove that.

And no, we were lame and didn't dress up.

Well, not really. I'm of the mind that the brightly colored paisley shirt paired with a pink scrunchie totally channeled me from high school.

Now. If only I'd worn my jellies.

Born to fight

Magnet #1244 - Muay Thai Boxing

How freakin' cool is this magnet? Remember my friend who went off to conquer Asia last year? Well, like Thai folklore legend Nai Khanomtom, my friend is totally kicking ass over there, and loving life. And bringing me back supercool magnets, to boot.

So proud of her, and from how fabulous she was last night, I sincerely hope that she's the other possible future that I saw last night in the bar, besides the old lady from yesterday's magnet.

Legend had it that Nai Khanomtom was this Thai dude who was handpicked to fight a Burmese fighter, and he was such a whirling dervish that the Burmese said that their fighter was too distracted by the dancing to fight and win.

The king said, fine, Nai Khanomtom, would you fight nine more dudes? And he said, sure thing, and kicked their asses, too.

Duly impressed, the Burmese king granted him riches or two wives - Nai Khanomtom supposed picked the two wives, saying money was easier to get. So funny.

Anyway, supposedly that's why the Thai celebrate March 17th as Boxer's Day, and why Muay Thai is the national sport of Thailand.

Pretty cool, huh? But no, now look at the magnet. Close. Closer. I love how it looks like they're both missing one of their feet. Hah!

Memorial Day, indeed. Sniffle.

Magnet #1193 - Elvis Presley

Of course I had to buy this Elvis magnet from my Union Square magnet guy. How pretty is he? (Elvis, not the Union Square magnet guy.)

Elvis served in the Army for a couple of years from 1958-60, and then served in the reserves for a few more years after that. I mean, talk about a pretty boy in a pretty uniform!

I figured I'd use him today for Memorial Day, where everyone's supposed to find a vet and say thank you.

So, for any magnet-loving veterans (and those currently serving) out there - thank you!

As for us, we had a different sort of memorial day, a memorial service for Uncle Frank - my sister's godfather, and a close family friend who passed away last Tuesday.

It's actually the first time I've seen how Filipinos celebrate the dead up close, or rather, the first time I've seen it as an adult. Part of the process is gathering together with the family each night for nine days (harking back to the nine days the Disciples and Mary spent in prayer between Ascension and Pentecost Sunday) - where we pray for the soul of the departed, to help them get through purgatory.

That's nine days of folks coming to the house, bringing food and fellowship - sitting down together to recite the rosary and then the special novena prayers for the dead. And then we eat and visit with each other. In layman's terms, think of it as a nine-day wake.

So far, we're on day six.

I wouldn't have believed it last week, but my first stop when I get back to NY is actually to pick up a rosary from St. Patrick's. I'm not saying I'm back from my lapse-sation, but there really is something about having this routine of community prayer. There's still those couple of prayers and that one Filipino song that I'll never get the hang of, but if I'm to be honest, the week's been really eye-opening.

It sounds trite, but as with any passing, we're forced into focusing on what's important, and how we treat each other, and how precious time is here on Earth. It helps also puts a fine point on what we want our own legacies to be, how we want to be remembered, and what happens to those left behind.

Uncle spent his last day with his family, having lunch with my dad and some friends, doing some chores, playing some Scrabble, and then going to bed. And now here we are, saying good-bye to a good friend and a good man.



Note regarding yesterday's blogpost about those blasted birds:

They actually were Uncle Frank's birds that he gave my mom years ago before they moved to Las Vegas. He taught them how to sing and apparently really loved them. Today, after we came home in the middle of the day - the birds were singing a new - and very long - song.

I'm thinking that my dead Uncle Oscar (who hangs out at the rolltop in my room, according to my mother) may have a guest downstairs (hanging out with those cockatiels).

Man, it's getting crowded over here - at some point, ya'll know who we're gonna need to call.

Crazy as Joy - Escape Home to NYC Day #1

Magnet #1160 - Crazy as a Loon

Hahaha - one day in the City, and I totally forgot to do yesterday's magnet. Oh, how quickly they forget.

Mind you, I didn't get home until midnight this morning, and I woke up at 5 yesterday, so I totally get a pass.

Yeah, you can definitely tell I'm back in New York, because I'm running around town, nonstop since then, crazy as a loon. (See what I did there?)

I can't help it! I didn't want to miss a single second of my first day back in town - so of course, I didn't.

Diner breakfast with my diner coffee - Check.

Lunch and fab dessert (what idiot turns down dessert, I ask you?) at Union Square Cafe with a good friend - Check.

Checking out the digs for a possible place of employment - Check.

Shopping - Check.

Wait. More shopping - Check.

A little more shopping - Check.

Ice cream from the Van Leeuwen Artisan Ice Cream Truck - Check.

Still more shopping - Check.

Acquired nine magnets - Check. (Including this Rangeley Lakes, Maine, magnet my lunch friend brought back for me from Maine! Supercool! And quite fitting, thanks!)

Drinks with good friends to bitch about old place of work - Check.

A quintessentially NYC, evening book launch event in Brooklyn - Check.

Discover really great restaurant for dinner in Brooklyn - Check. (Haven't a clue what the name of the place was...and not entirely sure I could find it again, but whatever.)

Traveling on as many as five different train lines in an hour - Check.

Ready to start the next day?

Oh, hells yes.

On the docket?

Alice's Tea Cup for scones. The Met. The MoMA. Lunch/Dinner/Drinks with friends and coworkers. Heading out to Queens for the Royal Wedding.

And, oh yeah, possibly some shopping.

A joy by any other character...

Magnet #1146 - Joy

I used to have this friend who was always wary of being around people who were not speaking English. She was always convinced they were talking about her.

I mean, clearly that was just her being paranoid (except when those folks really were talking about her), but I gotta say, I kinda have the same wariness when it comes to buying anything that's supposed to be my name in another language. You just never know if it really says Joy.

For example, I once compared the character on this JOY magnet to the other stuff that my friends and I brought back from Hong Kong. Between this magnet and the JOY ink stamp they brought, plus the JOY I had etched into an ivory pendant, I could swear, it's never the same character. And I'm afraid to check the special art frames at Target or Bed Bath or anywhere else, because who knows if they really match JOY, either.

You could argue that it could be several different languages and/or dialects that are being used, I suppose. Mind you, I don't really care.

Honestly, if it has my name on it, I totally buy it anyway.

I'm just sayin' if you see my name in another language, and you know for a fact that it doesn't say what I think it says...don't tell me.

Ignorance is joy, apparently.

What makes a keepsake, a keepsake?

Magnet #952 - Smurfs

Today, I've entered the next stage of clearing out the clutter in my life. Or, my apartment, really. Closet, if you want to get specifical.

Ya'll know I've been a little worried that I'm exhibiting signs of a Hoarder. Not like those crazies on television...but close, as it would seem. Instead of collecting random odds and ends like those people on tv, I'm a big hoarder of my life.

Odds and ends that remind me of places, people, events and things. Ticket stubs and tchotkes, programs and cards. Lots and lots of cards. (That's a whole other magnetpost, it seems.)

Just some of the things I've found:

• My cousin's birth announcement. Hint. She's old enough for Facebook.
• The registry for my friend's wedding. Hint. They're celebrating their 13th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks.
  
• The Student Caller for my senior year. Of high school.
• My very first paycheck stub from Putnam Berkley, here in NYC. The job that made me want to run out to Madison and 36th, and throw my beret (if I had one, I'll never tell) up in the air, and sing, "You're gonna make it after all!"
• The office invitation I got on my first day of work - for office party to celebrate the launch of Tom Clancy's Op Center. Book one, ya'll.
  
• Letters, notes, Christmas and birthday cards dating as far back as 1995, when I moved to NY.
• The cheesy fangurl letter I wrote to all the Loveswept authors when I first started.
• The sweet letters and cards and notes that the Loveswept authors sent to welcome me on board.
• The cheesy fangurl letter I wrote to all the Loveswept authors when I left.
• Two boxes of old checkbooks, ATM receipts and random purchases - dated anywhere between 1995-2001. Hello, paper shredder.
• The Sears receipt for the first and only tv I've ever bought or owned - a tiny Sony 20" box TV, $352.44 in 1996. (No, I'm not giving her up until she breaks. She's served me well, I won't give her up for a prettier, newer flatscreen model!)
  
• A whole photo album that I forgot about. It included this funny picture from Halloween 1994 with my college roommate. I was Jokey Smurf. Though, really, maybe I was ahead of my time and really part of the Blue Man Group? Once you see that picture, you'll know why I picked today's magnet.
  

So, as I've picked through the last 20 years of my life, the question that's been running through my head all day is, What makes a keepsake, a keepsake?

Example, the plastic winecup with "Iris 2/4" markered on it. What's that even mean? (Toss. Sorry, Iris, you were wonderful to work with, but I can't remember why I'd keep a winecup...)

Another example, the plastic alligator from one of the many, many nights I spent at any number of Brother Jimmy's back in the late 1990s. (Keep. I drank a FISHBOWL of liquor to get one of those.)

In the end, my answer to myself is this:

If you're looking at something and you don't remember the memory (or the person) it's attached to - toss.

If you're looking at something and you get warm fuzzies from it - keep.

After all, you're keeping something for the sake of a good memory!

You know too much

Magnet #951 - Always be my friend

I inherited this magnet from my old boss when he left our former company. He got it from a mutual friend and colleague of ours, who saw it on my cube wall and said, "Heeeeey! I gave him that magnet!" Ooops.

They always say that friends are the people who know you, and who like you anyway.

I'd venture to say that they're also the people who not only know you, but know what you've done, who you've done it with, who you've done it to, no holds barred.

And like you anyway.

I think those people, and you know who you are (and what I've done, who I've done it with and who I've done it to, no holds barred), are awesome.

Thanks!

Kindred magnets

Magnet #906 - Madrid

So funny, last week, on our impromptu roadtrip to DC, my auntie-in-law revealed that she's a magnet collector. Wherever she goes, she buys a magnet or two, because they're inexpensive. And they're everywhere.

She mentioned that she might have to get a new refrigerator, just to have space for her magnets. So, I showed her my pictures, so that she could figure out how to set up additional space of her own.

She even has the same magnet-bringer-backer friends that I do - people have started to bring her back magnets from their travels...and so she's had to separate those from the ones that she's bought. Basically, the places she hasn't been on one side, versus the places she has on the other side.

It's quite a system, and I can't imagine doing that for mine. If I had to guess, I think it's about a 70/30 split for magnets that came from other folks.

I mean, here's a case in point, with today's cool magnet. I haven't been to Madrid...but, as the Google Translator magnet says, "My friends went to Madrid, and all they brought back for me was this foul magnet!"

Blue skies and best friends

Magnet #845 - Pier

Needed something that was pretty to pick me up after another wonderful day here at Martyr Kingdom. And this swag magnet from Corbis - despite its subject matter - is pretty.

Check it, it's where the blue of the sky meets the green of the earth. I love when I see that in nature. It's beautiful, and makes you think Earth's totally the best planet in the solar system!

Plus, dudes. It's totally the pier where the LOST submarine was docked. Or, for those of you in the know, it could totally be the pier where Jake Cutter lands Cutter's Goose on Tales of the Gold Monkey.

Wait. What? You haven't heard about my love for Tales of the Gold Monkey? (The follow-up to that magnetpost is that I have a couple of very, very special Direct Messages that my inner sixth grader is so very fangurly squeeeee-ish about.)

Anyway, ya'll know I hate the beach, it's like my idea of not fun. Ya'll know that despite my best attempts, I'm afraid I'm going to end up there a little over a week from now.

But, you know what? If it happens, I'll do it, because that BFF Babymoon's meant for the two of us to spend time together, these last months before she pops that kid out. And, I'll put up with it, because I've known the girl for almost 30 years.

Thirty years. Shoot. That's insane. I remember she and I giggling over knowing each other 10 years. And 18 years. And 20 years. And 25 years. I can't wait to see what she says when I say, dude. 30.

Whoa. Too bad we both can't drink on this trip!

NOTE: This magnetpost brought to you by the fact that the New York Times posted the single-silliest article I've read in a long, long while - the death of the Best Friend relationship, and how schools are trying to encourage kids to have more friendships and not have one single BFF, and how sleepaway camps are hiring "friendship coaches" to help kids have more friends.

Seriously? What kind of liberal, overcoddling, overmeddling child-rearing crap is that?

Forgive my avarice

Magnet #844 - Emily Dickinson quote

The magnet I picked up from BEA this year. Truly, I love this quote.

I know next to nothing about Emily Dickinson, but clearly, she treasured her friends. And how.

Well, I mean, who doesn't, right?

And, yes, I was planning on this being some sort of very sappy "I love my friends and family" post, but you know what? They kinda know. And they don't need some Emily Dickinson magnet to tell them.

Translation: Dudes, I'm a day late on this magnet, and I spent a few hours this evening with a couple of good friends and former colleagues brow-beating me with the hard truth of my 13-year bout of Stockholm Syndrome. Can't be mad at them, they speak truth.

That's how they do.


*"My friends are my 'estate.' Forgive me then the avarice to hoard them." - Emily Dickinson, 1858

Knock, knock, ding dong

Magnet #830 - U.S. Census

Ya'll, the U.S. Census is not playin'. If you guys haven't gotten in your Census forms from earlier this year, they're seriously sending a merry and not-so-merry band of Census-takers to your houses!

To. Your. Front. Doors.

Yesterday, while visiting some friends in Chapel Hill, we went over to some of their friends for a BBQ. (I'd heard this kind of stuff happens, but honestly, when's the last time you've had a bonafide BBQ in New York City? Cooked by a person you've actually met, and with no tab to pay at the end of the day?)

So, while we were over there, the doorbell rang, and it was the Census-taker! And immediately, everyone gasped, pointed at the husband accusatorily, saying, "You didn't turn in your Census form!" (Which, if you think about it, is fantastic for those [how did they get those celebrities to do those, anyway] ads the Census ran on rather heavy rotation a few months ago.) Meanwhile, the wife went outside to answer the guy's questions, while the husband maintained that they totally did turn in their form.

Which then leads you to, really? The guberment's missing some forms and sending Census-takers around to households that already submitted the forms? And on holidays? Are they getting time and a half, those Census-takers? Feel so bad! It was Memorial Day, and instead of partaking in BBQ, he was walking around knockin' on doors!

It's so weird, knowing these guys are running around. Mainly because honestly, if he'd knocked on my door in NYC? Totally wouldn't have answered it.

What? I already turned in my form, I promise! Didn't you hear, it's in our hands!

Salisbury city limits

Magnet #828 - Salisbury, NC

Home, sweet, home. Even if I never actually made it to the square, and only to all points east of town - home. Best friend's house. The gas station up by Dunn's Mountain Church Road. Annnnnnd that's pretty much the extent of the less than 24 hours spent here.

But, you know what? Family, friends and good food? Yep, that's pretty much all you need.

Though, I realized why I moved away. Or, rather one of the reasons.

Dang, it's hot as hades up in this town!

joy magnetism's first blogiversary extravaganza of knowledge weekend

Magnet #365 - Circles of joy

So, about a year ago, I started this thing because I was about to create a spreadsheet to catalog my magnet collection, because I was about to go on a big trip around the US and was afraid I'd repeat a magnet in my collection.

And, when I realized how dorky that sounded, I figured, well, what could be dorkier: A blog to share my magnet collection with the world!

Well, I never went on that roadtrip, but, joy magnetism has truly grown into a fun little project for me - both personally and professionally.

Personally, I've been able to share fond memories, odd opinions, half-a-fact facts for the fact fans, and the occasional random thought and/or rant. Professionally, it's given me more interactive insight in a year, than I've learned in the past five, since we became a more digitally-focused agency.

Today, I thought I'd share just a random (but by no means exhaustive) list of what I've learned:

- Writing. People have always asked me if I was ever going to write a romance novel of my own. I guess it was a natural thing to ask an avid romance reader and a romance editor back in the day. My pat answer was usually, "Are you kidding me? No way, man." Writing tends to come easily to me, always has...but I've never been tempted to write long form. Well, not quite true, there were a couple of attempted script sides for General Hospital in 7th grade and maybe a YA novel started here and there, but nothing as an "adult." But, I've enjoyed writing my little magnetposts. And editing them. And rewriting them. And going back to old ones to correct things. It's great fun. (And way better than those sides I mailed to ABC.)

- Time consuming. My goodness. I do one magnetpost a day. That's hard. Generally, it's the last thing I do before I hit the lights and let the tv lull me to sleep. So, it's no biggie to jot down a quick story for a fun magnet. But man, whenever I find a topic that interests me - I have to research it. At least a little. Or sometimes I go hardcore. Just so I can share. I can't even imagine multiposting during the day with a regular job to hold down. Hats off to ya, though.

- Networking. Well, I'll be. Blogging as a social networking tool apparently works! Whether it's the rather nomadic Goldengait over at The GoldenGait Bridge, Scotsman Cameron over at Stuff on TV, Jace over at Televisionary over on the west coast, they're all bloggers that I've run across online and interact with...here, on their blogs and on Facebook as well. Is that weird? Maybe a little. But, it's great fun discussing shows that some folks I know IRL haven't even heard of.

I really love that joy magnetism has also introduced me to a little community of folks in town who care about the same NYC stuff that I do. I didn't even know they existed. Ephemeral NY tells me about my adopted city's past, while Lost City and EV Grieve show me places we're about to lose. Scouting NY and Greenwich Village Daily Photo shows me fun things I've never seen before, right here in town. Thanks!

- Real-life Friends. I love sharing fun stories of trips and people, and knowing that those friends will get the same giggles remembering fun times. But, I have to admit, I wasn't at all prepared for how annoyed I get when actual friends ask me what's new in my life...when it's pretty much plastered all over joy magnetism. Oh, I am totally getting over myself, because I know that's such an all about me conceit. But, think about it. I've got people I've never met before reading my magnetposts, but there are people I've known for years who don't. It's weird.

- Cursing. Not everyone likes to see shit, damn or the other one in print. Cotter put it well in this blogpost about his stance on profanity - he writes like he speaks. I tend to do the same. It's my blog, and I'll curse if I want to. That being said, after a concerned phone call from mom, from one of her patients complaining that I curse a lot here (I totally don't, btw), I did acquiesce to putting a parental note for those parents who aren't monitoring what their kids are reading online...before they read it. It's a magnet blog, folks. I know it looks like Disneyworld up in here, but just cuz it's pretty, don't mean it's pristine.

- Reactions. While it's awesome that they're reading my blog, people get mad when you shoot your mouth off. To wit: Check out this Anonymous comment about my SAG strike rant. It was a rant, written just when I found out that SAG was thinking of putting it to a vote. NO, I didn't do all of my research on how it effects your industry. Because it was a RANT. Who researches a RANT. And P.S., SnarkyAnon, stupid cocktail waitresses aside, George Clooney walks on water. Don't mess with him. And P.P.S., SnarkyAnon, I hoping to respond to your comment, but was waiting to see what the outcome would be, re: a real strike, but looks like that they still can't get it together. But thanks for reading. Mwah!

And speaking of thanks for reading...thank you for dropping by to read about a magnet or two. I really do appreciate your visits, your comments, your fellowship (hm, when did fellowship get such a religious connotation), and the insight you guys have given me - insight to me (which is what the above mostly was) and insight to you (which some of which tomorrow's magnetpost will reveal).

Some red-headed chick

Magnet #341 - Red-Headed Chick from Corbis

Yay, swag magnet!

So almost 18 years ago, I walked down Skipper Bowles Road, down the giant hill toward Carolina's Dean Dome for the first time ever.

I was an incoming freshman, and our incredibly hot (seriously, you'd have to have seen him to believe it) RA (of course, named Tucker, but because don't all hot guys have the coolest names) said we had to go. Something about Convocation being the first of only two times you'd ever be sitting with all of your own college class.

Dutifully, I went.

And behold the wonder, the Dean Dome. If Yankee Stadium is the church of baseball, then for us, the Dean Dome is surely the Cathedral of college basketball.

I walked into the stands, a little dazed and taking in the view, and I sat down next to this red-headed chick.

We started to make the standard freshmen small talk. But our conversation went something like this:

Her: Where you are from?
Me: Salisbury? (cuz no one's ever heard of it)
Her: You're kidding!!! Where'd you go to school?
Me: East Rowan? (cuz really, who knows the ERHS Mustangs?)
Her: What? I went to North Rowan! Where do you live?
Me: Down Bringle Ferry, just past Dan Nicholas.
Her: What??? I live on Providence Church!
Me: OMG, I drove by you every single day on the way to school!

Dudes. Seriously?

One could argue that North Carolina's a small state with even smaller towns. But, honestly? It's a state school, so our incoming class must have had at least a couple thousand kids. It's my firm belief that only The Powers That Be could have intervened and sat me beside this red-headed chick in a dome that seats 22,000.

Years and lots of memories later...we're still friends.

All because of that one fateful meeting down at the Dome.

Happy birthday, Annette!

Much too young

Magnet #339 - Coffee

Remember back in 1997, when Garth Brooks played that free concert in Central Park? At the time, I'd been in NYC for only two years - I could count on one hand the number of country music fans I'd met, and they had just shut down one of the city's only country music radio stations.

So when they announced the concert, I was absolutely convinced that I'd be the only one in Central Park. In fact, I was worried that it'd be a huge snafu for Garth, that no one was gonna show up.

Glad to say that I was wrong - I saw somewhere that a quarter of a million people were there, including me and this friend of mine who had just moved up from NC.

The next week at work, I was raving about the concert, and the only other Asian girl at work heard about it and says, wait - you went to the Garth concert? Why didn't you say anything? I wanted to see Garth!

And a fast friendship was born.

Turns out, she was a big fan, but couldn't find anyone else who wanted to go. We'd been working at the same company for at least a few months, but didn't even know the other liked country music. Proof that you just never know who's around the next corner. Little did I know back then that the chick who went to the concert with me and this Asian chick who grew up in the big city but was still a country fan, would become my steadfast roadtrip buddies.

So why the coffee mug?

Because before she met me, she didn't like coffee. But she'd wait patiently while I waited in line for my mocha frappes at Starbucks or whatever coffee shop was nearest.

Now, she has a coffeemaker, and the last time I was at her place, I found out she hoards flavored Coffeemate in her fridge.

Happy birthday, Erika!

Wherefore, human interaction?

Magnet #297 - Happy Bunny's It's all about me

Here's a question: Is anyone else feeling like the more socially networked you are, the less you actually talk to your unconnected friends in real life?

I feel like it's actually become harder to keep in touch with those folks who aren't reading your blog, your FaceBook, your MySpace, your Twitter, your LinkedIn, or your messageboard community. So, when someone decides to check in on your life, you're actually taken aback when they don't know what's going on with you.

It's odd, because while you're keeping in touch with your online contacts, it's the ones in your real life, those who aren't connected, or who just don't keep up, who are left behind.

Whose fault is it?

On the one hand, with a million SNS outlets acting as an RSS feed to the world, it's much easier to keep tabs on your friends, their whereabouts, what's going on in their lives and their thoughts on daily life and big issues. It gives you a feeling of being connected, of being involved - without really being involved. You can drop in on your friends, and still be able to maintain the cocoon of your life.

On the other hand, if you don't bother to keep up with any of the outlets, and you don't have time to keep in touch, when you do decide to check in on someone else, you find yourself completely out of the loop, without a clue as to what's going on in your friends' lives.

One could argue that pre-SNS, you'd pick up the phone and say hello, what's up? The phone calls would be fewer and far between - and would therefore lead to longer conversations to catch up. Nowadays, it's a quick status or posted item comment, or Wall-to-Wall, or iChat, before you move on with the rest of your day. It seems no one has time for phone calls any more - especially when it's easier to txt or ping someone.

But, if you haven't time for all of the above, where does that leave you? Does the connected friend have the right to be mad if that offline friend doesn't bother to check in on your life? Does the offline friend have the right to be mad if the connected friend doesn't feel like catching you up on everything that's going on? Should either friend make the more of an effort to stay in better contact with the other, in the way that they're accustomed to?

It's probably a bit of all of the above, I'm sure. But it's food for thought anyway.


eta:
How funny (and timely) is this. A friend of mine passed along a PEW Internet & American Life Project report on "The Future of the Internet." Among their key findings:

• the mobile device will be the primary connection tool globally by 2020 (really?);
• the division of personal and work and physical/VR will be erased for all those connected...and that it might have an impact on basic social relations (yep, already there, methinks).

And, yes, I totally downloaded the 138-page full report, just to see...

joy = fuddy-duddy. Yeah, I'll own it.

Magnet #139 - Friends are Angels
(Rant ahead, which will offend your young interactive sensibilities)

So, according to Merriam-Webster, the definition of friend is:

1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem
b: acquaintance
2 a: one that is not hostile
b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4: a favored companion
5: capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker

I'm of the mind that social networking sites, such as Facebook, MySpace, or LinkedIn, will soon make it necessary to add in

6: Persons interactively connected via social networking sites (whether they are real friends or acquaintances or not)

Since the advent of SNS, I've been torn over who my friends are online. There are those friends:

1. who you actually know and spend time with IRL (in real life)
2. who are former schoolmates from years back who have suddenly come back into my life (either I've gone searching for them, or they've found me)
3. who are past and present coworkers and colleagues
4. who are members of various groups you belong to
   
5. who are family members
6. who aren't really friends, they're just total randoms. (Well, no, actually, I'm one of those people who refuse random friending - I have to actually have some sort of interaction for you to see my profile. But, you get my point.)
   

What I don't understand are the folks who have a trillion friends, and openly admit that they don't know half of them. What is that about? Limited profile access or not, you're allowing random strangers into your life. You might as well walk up to people on the 2/3 train and say, "Hi, I'd like to be your friend. Ya wanna?"

Oh, I totally get the random friending, if you're a brand, a company, some sort of entity that wants to build a community (a band, author or other artists trying to get their name out there), or even a blogger with a high Technorati rating with some sort of influence in the blogosphere. But for individuals to follow this practice seems a little weird to me. For the individual, what's the point? So you can say I have a thousand friends? Is that how we're measuring popularity? Or how we're measuring personal relevancy on the web?

I mean, Mark Cuban hit 5,000 friends, and then was faced with how to tier his friends, or figure out another medium to get his message out there - because his website(s), blog and other accounts weren't enough. And, in his post, he goes through his tiers of friends - his real ones, the acquaintances, and the so-called Power Layer of those he's just friends with because they're good network connections. So that meant he (or, ok, his assistant) had to sift through those friends to figure out who stays/goes and at what level. Good grief. But, then! He's like all shocked that people wanted to treat him as a real friend - people checking in on him, sending FB emails, etc. I don't know why he was surprised - you accepted randoms, silly!

While I'm at it, SNS has completely obliterated the barriers of personal space. I mean, really, does your boss need to know that you went out over the weekend, got trashed and got laid and lived to regret it? Do we need to see the proof of that night? Do we need to know you're about to do it again this weekend? Does your high school crush need to know that you're still the same old dork you were years ago? Does your cousin need to know that your boyfriend loves you and thinks you're hot? Do we need to know what you dress like outside of the office or school?

One could argue that everyone has a vote in how much access they want to have to your life. We don't have to read the statuses, we don't have to click on the pictures, we don't have to watch the videos, we don't have to read all the Wall-to-Wall comments on the newsfeeds. And, yes, everyone has the choice to defriend friends, but man, how awkward is that? Plus, really. How will I know where the nearest happy hour is. In your neighborhood. Three states away.

Mind you, I'm not completely against social networking - I love being able to keep up with my actual RL friends via these sites, and in fact, I keep pushing more and more of them to join. SNS does have its benefits, I just worry that this Friend-frenzy is going to come at a long-term cost.


eta:
Just a quick eta, to say that I'm betting when my BFF gave me this magnet, she didn't anticipate me using it for this vitriolic post. If she were on FB, my status would say, "Joy apologizes for using Jan's magnet for today's vitriolic magnetpost."

But she's not. So now my status says, "Joy can now confirm Rear Dress, Row K, Seat 19 for Hamlet in December 08. AND Dress Circle, Row D, Seat 21 for Hamlet in January 09. Decisions, decisions."

Hell. Damn. Yeah.

And Robert? Yes. I'm the same damn dork you knew in high school. :-)